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Ditched by a Runner

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I’m interested in your take on my recent situation, which is, for the most part resolved in my head, but still leaves a bitter taste (no offense intended).

I have been single some time, actually a few years, but not been totally desperate, just happy in my singledome. I find myself disappointed often and frequently, as if I’m chasing an illusion. So about a month of platonic dating has been about my limit. That adds up to an awful long time of celibacy. Then recently against my better instincts, I met a guy who has shown an interest before, then disappeared off the scene, then turned up again and asked me out. We had quite a pleasant few dates and things progressed… 

I reached my one month marker and had a few nightmares (literally) about all this new found intimacy – and also about why have I set my sights so low. Out of about 30 admirable qualities in a potential love interest, this guy scored fairly low, around a 10, being generous. But we seemed to get on okay so I withheld my misgivings and shed my aspirations. I had daily long phone calls from him talking about the tedium of his life, which actually appealed to me not in the slightest, but I tolerated it, being all new to coupledome and so forth.

Then after a particularly quite lovely night I had a long phone call from him the next day that was less usual. Instead of mulling over his day, he went into a great monologue about where he’s at now, and lamenting the loss of his ex-partner, from a few months before, and his fluctuating emotions. He kept saying it was like going cold turkey and being on heroin, not that he knew, but just what he imagined it would be like, and, in all, it was just about the crappiest load of drivel possible. I felt like saying ‘get a life’ but don’t think that would have been appreciated.

Anyway, since then, nothing at all. No texts or calls or long night time mulling over the day. And he has totally disappeared from our shared social scene. I know he was an ass, but he was the first ass I have kissed for some time. And it does bug me that he left before I left him, because of course, all his faults, never finishing a sentence and all that, would have driven me to distraction before long. So why does it still leave that bitter taste? Hoping you can shed light in your inimitable way. ~Slightly Bitter Taste~

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Dear SBT: The Bitter Single Guy thinks this is an easy one and he suspects that you already know the answer. This has left you with a bitter taste because he beat you to the punch. You wanted to be the one to reject him, dammit!  How dare he drag you through all the details of his mundane little life, then to drone on and on about his failed relationships! Wah!

The BSG is being a little sarcastic here, SBT. Yes it’s true…you’re bitter because he disappeared before you could dump him. But beyond that the BSG is a little concerned about your willingness to stay involved with someone for whom you seemed to have nothing but contempt! What’s up with that SBT?

The BSG is a fan of occasional periods of celibacy and non-dating, but he also knows that too long a period can lead to a seeming inability to actually make a meaningful connection with another person. SBT the BSG recommends you ask your friends whether you’ve actually been single and celibate too long and if so, get yourself some professional help.

At a minimum, the BSG strongly recommends only dating someone who you actually like a tiny bit. ~BSG~

The Seven Year Itch - Rescuing Your Craigslist Relationship

Your sex life is on automatic. You have been with the same person for a number of years now. You’re comfortable with your sexual routine: you kiss your partner, you receive oral sex, you then move into missionary position and you’re both done. You always know what to expect and it’s always the same, but then you start wondering if there could be more. You love your partner, but where’s the excitement and romance? You realize that other people are having the relationship you wanted – one that you suddenly acknowledge you don’t have. The little quirks that you used to love about your Craigslist partner now grate on your nerves. You begin to feel unappreciated and so you start to look around, noticing the sexy new assistant at the office. What if...?

The best way to meet people in your area looking for a relationship is to sign up for a Craigslist alike dating site. Loveawake dedicated to helping people find love online:

India Craigslist Profiles

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Long-term relationships can be incredibly rewarding. After all, they allow you to experience the world with a person you care for dearly, you have someone to bear witness to your life, and you never have to be alone. But this brings up the question: why don’t more people in long-term relationships stay happy – or together? Everyone in our culture has been brought up with the romantic ideal of "till death do us part," but that doesn’t seem to be how things usually pan out. The concept of serial monogamy is on the rise: committing to one person for a period of years and then moving on to someone else. Why do so many Craigslist people call it quits, on average, around the seven-year mark? After all, if "Brad and Jen" can’t make it, then who can? Should we let go of the ideal or is there something we can all do to enrich our long-term relationships and actually continue to grow?

After a long period of time many individuals in relationships begin to feel a lack of appreciation. The minutiae of everyday life begin to take over their love and sex lives. The physical and spiritual connections to their Craigslist partner wane. Some people from Craigslist question whether they are missing out – whether the grass might indeed be greener on the other side. And in our fantasies it always is. That’s a part of escaping the drone of day-to-day life. Our lives are lived unconsciously as we simply learn to react to "what happens to us."

Part of the issue may be that we become so identified as a couple that we lose the freedom of feeling empowered as individuals. We lose our identities, and rather than work with our partners to redefine ourselves we begin to look outside the relationship. We look for someone else to see us as exciting and sexual. We buy into the fantasy of living a different life.

So what can we do to avoid becoming a statistic? First, develop an awareness of your feelings. If you begin to see a pattern of you desiring to look outside of the relationship, call yourself on it. Next, get the courage to communicate your issues to your partnerfrom Craigslist . Too many times we wait, thinking the feelings might go away, and we avoid saying anything because we don’t want to hurt our partner. It festers, you begin to feel farther away from your loved one, and then when the opportunity arises you react to the advances of someone else. The old excuse that it "just happened" doesn’t really hold much water. Research suggests that most people who have an affair begin to think about it a year prior.

Decide to do something about it. Take a dance class, decide to experiment sexually, do something, anything different. Begin to see one another in a fresh, new light. Most couples box one another in, into who they think the other person is. Allow yourselves to grow and expose yourselves to new situations – both individually and together. Maybe sexually you want to get out of your routine, so rent an adult video and mimic the positions they are doing, take a partner’s yoga or wine tasting class, or just take a vacation where you can stay in your bedroom naked all day together.

As individuals we have the opportunity to change our situation every day. Most of us are just too scared to risk changing what we already have. Many would rather suffer silently than risk themselves a bit. There needs to be a fundamental change in thinking in order to get over this hang up. You can train yourself and your relationship to grow and evolve – it just takes some effort. The role you play in your relationship is not written in stone. If you already love your partner and have a good foundation, why not make it work? Too many times people just feel it’s easier to start over with someone else. Give your relationship the benefit of the doubt, and if it ends you will know that you have tried everything. Long-term compatibility (sexual and otherwise) rarely just happens – but you can make it happen. You might just have that hot new lover in the form of your ten-year life partner.

Hate my Ex

If you are recovering from a relationship breakup and is still bitter over the whole thing, do not fret. Whether the person you hate is an ex-husband, ex-wife, ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfiend, there are various ways and means to get it all out from your system. And sometimes, what it takes is just a little creativity.

ashes.jpgOK, if you are desperately in need of closure, consider getting this plaque for your garden. You can try sprinkling some soil all over your lawn and think of it as your ex-husband’s ashes. Then, you can put this decor up to remind yourself that you are stepping all over him each time you walk across your garden.

golf.jpgIf you are seething with anger inside because you hate your ex-wife and need to release all those pent-up frustrations, go and get these golf balls. Hit them as hard as you can at a golf course and I’m sure you will feel much better afterwards.

voodoo-doll.jpgNext, if you are feeling revengeful and need an outlet for your bitterness without running foul of the law, try a voodoo doll. Start sticking in those pins if you really hate your ex-husband but still, do be careful of what you wish for.

ex-boyfriend.jpgHate your ex-boyfriend? If you want to remind yourself that your ex is good riddance, then take a look at this artwork. It would make nice decor for your wall at home besides serving the purpose of healing your wounds by reminding yourself that he is such a loser.

shirt.jpgIf you hate your ex and feel sorry for yourself, then wear this t-shirt to tell the whole world how unfair life has treated you. Tell everyone that your ex is now living happily in a nice big house while you wallow in misery in a pigeonhole, if it helps to make you feel better.

41rza-y8exl__aa280_.jpgLast but not least, there is this nice stainless steel knife set with a unique holder specifically targetted for people who hate their ex. It’s very practical because if you have completely purged your hateful ex from your system and have had enough of sticking knives into his/her body, you can always discard the holder and just keep the knives.

Not all relationships end with a mutual understanding to let go and not everyone can remain friends after a breakup. The feeling of “I hate my ex” is very common following a bitter split with time being the only antidote to a broken heart.

Whatever it is, I can only smile at designers’ creativity in filling this niche market. So, which do you like best? For me, I’ll go with the knife set.

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