* Taoism: Shit happens.

* Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens."

* Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.

* Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not.

* Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening?

* Hinduism: This shit has happened before.

* Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.

* Islam #2: If shit happens, kill the person responsible.

* Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.

* Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.

* Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.

* Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.

* Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.

* Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.

* Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.

* Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it.

* Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)

* Fundamentalism #2: If shit happens to a televangelist, it's okay.

* Fundamentalism #3: Shit must be born again.

* Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?

* Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work.

* Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.

* Creationism: God made all shit.

* Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.

* Christian Science: When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray!

* Christian Science #2: Shit happening is all in your mind.

* Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit.

* Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.

* Utopianism: This shit does not stink.

* Darwinism: This shit was once food.

* Capitalism: That's MY shit.

* Communism: It's everybody's shit.

* Feminism: Men are shit.

* Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us...

* Commercialism: Let's package this shit.

* Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.

* Idolism: Let's bronze this shit.

* Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.

* Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!

* Mormonism: God sent us this shit.

* Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen.

* Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.

* Jehovah's Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< Shit happens.

* Moonies: Only really happy shit happens.

* Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama.

* Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!

* Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half on the time.

* Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time.

* Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.

* Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.

* Atheism : I can't believe this shit!

* Nihilism: No shit.